Does your office always seem to be celebrating one event or another?
Whether it be a holiday party, a birthday party, a going away party, wedding or baby shower, doesn’t it seem like some social coordinator is always putting something together encouraging (often rather forcefully) employees to break from the pile of work they’re busy tackling to engage in some small talk and a glass of punch.
I sound like I’m sneering, but in truth these events are not that bad, especially when the company is fronting the bill. A little small talk and a couple of cheese cubes never hurt anyone.
What does hurt is when the social coordinator starts asking employees to chip in for gifting giving; a seemingly growing trend in office social politics. Office gift giving can become a resentful, often awkward and sometimes competitive event.
A friend recently became increasingly frustrated and annoyed with the whole money exchange phenomenon. Her frustration peaked when, for the gazillionth time, an envelope appeared on her desk. A colleague, with whom she had barely exchanged more than a handful of words, was moving on to a new company and leaving her position.
The instructions attached to the card asked for a thoughtful message and a donation towards a departing gift. As she was contemplating what to write it struck her odd that she was giving money to someone she didn’t know, because they got a new job. Wasn’t getting the new job enough?
When did a donation from a distant work colleague become the marked gesture of company gratitude? What was worse was that the thought of not giving evoked feelings of guilt and shame.
The social coordinator had her beat. Peer pressure to give overwhelmed her and she quickly scribbled a ‘Congratulations on your new job’ and stuffed some money into the envelope.
My friend is not alone. Office gift giving has become commonplace. It celebrates the triumphs and life changing experiences of the people with whom we share a working relationship, or sometimes just office space. However, feeling strong-armed into giving money, on top of a heart-felt congratulations, can certainly lead to resentment.
How do you get past the peer pressure to give?
In the end, hoping what goes around comes around maybe the best solution. Chalk it up to reluctant giving, and hope your charity is remembered!
Jenna Charlton is a Toronto writer and blogger and a regular contributor to Workopolis
I exactly know what you mean. Sometimes I just pass the card to the next person without putting anything down, let alone contributing to the departing gift. It just doesn’t make any sense.
So true! There is always something, it never ends!
My company automatically deducts money from it’s employees pay for a “staff fund” used for babies, weddings, get-well, condolence and good-bye events. It’s only $4 per month and though I and many others have received from the fund, we do still resent that it is a mandatory “contribution” removed from our pay without us having any choice in the matter.
Thank you for this article! I thought I was the only one! In my last teaching job (I’m home with a baby and toddler now) we had forced donations for gifts. A donation of $25 every 4 to six months to keep the pot full. We were also expected to give graduation gifts to all the seniors in our homeroom.
I had enough when we were signing a card for a colleague’s son’s fiance’s bridal shower! After that I kept “forgetting” to bring in my cheque for $25. When word spread that I was not contributing, many of my females colleagues were hostile (the men didn’t care so much). When I quit, I received nothing, not even a party with the cake with blue shortening-based icing roses that stain your tongue and teeth! Thank goodness for that!
I’m giggling as I read this because I just went through this very phenomenon. I left my position to accept something else and while there was no envelope stuffed with bills my coworkers did give me a nice going away gift. I used to see this frequently in my office, but I would take it one further. Charitible donations are another one for getting the obligation senses tingling. I’m all for supporting charities, but when is enough enough. In my previous job we supported so many organizations that there was practically a different fund raiser every week. If you don’t give you’re perceived to be callous and uncaring so you dig a little deeper to appease the masses. It got to the point where I had to stop giving because I could no longer afford it. I guess my point is giving is good to colleagues and charity, but in moderation.
Thank you everyone for your comments! Your words will certainly help my friend also feel like she is not alone. Forced giving can certainly wear thin. But as Mathew wrote “there is always something”.
I agree with you Sandy – ‘giving is good – in moderation’.
Great to hear all your thoughts and stories!
I can’t afford to be giving a lot of money to people I don’t know – worse, to people I sometimes actively dislike. So I pick and choose to whom I’ll donate money and time. If I’m not friends with them outside work, I’m sure they won’t notice my name as absent on the card. Those people who are my friends will get something from me outside work.
It helps, I think, that I work for a fairly large corporation and in a fairly large department; it would be more awkward to say ‘no’ in a smaller workplace
Once we made a mock farewell money collection and put quite a lot of 5 dollar bills into the envelope and sent it around the office. When we finally got the envelope back it was missing quite a few notes. That meant that our team had several really savvy people. Here is a whole point of those donations: the naive people donate money and the really wise people just capitalize on that.
Drives! Me! CRAZY!! Especially when we collect to give money to say thanks to people for doing their job… Uh… isn’t our employer already doing that? If they’re not getting paid enough… kinda not my problem. I’m all for an individual giving a small gift from time to time if they- and they alone- wish to say thanks or good luck or have a nice day or well done or what-have-you. Hey- go nuts, just don’t ask me to supplement your generosity. If I want to give someone something, I will. End of.
I adopted a solution some years ago which got me off the hook completely – I selected a charity and annually, on my birthday, made a big donation, and announced to general email distribution list that this was in lieu of bringing in sugar-laden junk food on my birthday and in lieu of all the gifts and flowers and other donations that you’re grumbling about. (I called it ‘I gave on my birthday’). They soon left me in peace and in fact some others followed suit.
In reguards to giving ALL THE TIME, I have in the past, BUT, that has stopped!!!
I remember giving for Baby Showers, Retirements, Graduations , Christmas and of course Birthdays, till I realized that I was NEVER remembered on mine.
I also realized that since I’m not giving anymore, I’m not even asked to attend these functions, nor offered a piece of Cake. (Talk about HOSTILE) !!!!!
So people, if you keep giving, and not receiving, don’t you think that this kind of CRAP should be stopped, and concidered as Bullying and Harassement in the Company??
As far as I’m concerned it should also be against Company Policy.