Today, monolith-type companies are being managed, not steered, but managed, by brassy younger men and ballsy women. To survive and flourish one has to really know how to play the office/industry politics game. So when the book Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office 101: Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers came across my desk, I had to spread the word, it is so enlightening!
This book could become a career bible to the working woman. It is a fine piece of craftsmanship or should I say ‘craftwomanship’ that addresses the need for women to stand their ground and make their mark in the business world. All it takes to implement author Lois Frankel’s advice is determination, fed-up–with-itness, a strong belief system, support and guts.
I was impressed right off the bat when Frankel gives readers permission to ‘read only chapters of the book that relate to your individual weaknesses.’ She says women ‘feel’ they always have to read a book right through, so as not to offend the author, whereas men read the sections of books that they need to read. Lesson one!
The book starts out with a self-assessment quiz that determines your sabotaging mistakes. Based on the results of the quiz you are referred to specific chapters that offer advice on those mistakes.
For instance:
Mistake #26: Decorating your office like your living room.
Humanize space but don’t decorate per se. Emphasizing your femininity diminishes your credibility. A family photo or a snapshot of Rover, with a plant and a box of tissues is enough personalizing. Too many family photos may also appear like you wish you were somewhere other than the office.
Mistake #27. Feeding others.
You aren’t “mom” or Betty Crocker, so don’t put food on your desk, Frankel advises. If you want to bring a batch of cookies into the office put them in the lunch room; even this action is discouraged. When is the last time one of the fellas brought in home made fudge?
Mistake #42. Refusing perks.
When a perk is overlooked, bring it to a manager’s attention, they’re just hoping you won’t say anything, like most women. Watch your tone of voice and the manner in which you remind your manager should be tactful and confident. When you get a promotion, ask what it includes, don’t assume the new title or a salary increase is all there is.
Mistake #59. Asking permission.
Learn to take independent action within a given set of boundaries. Children are expected to ask for permission, not adults. Don’t set yourself up for a ‘no.’ Don’t start sentences with “If it is ok with you if I…”
Keep in mind that there are positions within a company where some of these’ mistakes’ have to be interpreted with a grain of salt. A candy dish at the receptionist desk is de rigeur, not so at the Director level.
All 101 mistakes offer coaching tips on how to alter your behaviour, thinking or communication. Like going on a diet, for you to turn these mistakes into successes you have to fully commit to them and apply them consistently. Frankel says that success for women in business is not about acting more like a man, but acting less like a girl.
Colleen Clarke, Career Specialist & Corporate Trainer
www.colleenclarke.com
csc@colleenclarke.com
Author of Networking: How to build relationships that count and How To Get a Job and Keep It
I strongly disagree about the food (#27). “When is the last time one of the fellas brought in home made fudge?” Well, I don’t remember any homemade fudge, but homemade sushi, dried fruit, samosas, salads etc. are common in our office. All of the aforementioned items were brought in by guys. Of course, the ladies bring in food too sometimes. The guy who was bringing in sushi and the dried fruit (and also homemade cookies, BTW) was moving up nicely, until he left for a higher paying job. The guy with samosas is advancing quickly too. So do some of the women, regardless of whether they bring in food.
I agree with Irene. Bringing food to share is a token of camaraderie where I work, regardless of gender. I’m finding that these tips are needlessly aimed at women; I believe the overall point being made here is to act like an assertive, tactful adult — but why does this mean NOT being feminine? The book ultimately takes aim at very dated concepts of what it means to be feminine (which is great!), however the problem is that it fails to replace them with a new definition.
As for needing to be given permission to skip chapters? No one can tell you how/when/where to read a book! Ask any library professional.
I agree with the basis of this artical because it seems to me that every time someone brings something in to work, it really feels like they’re “sucking up”.
I had a male supervisor who cooked and baked for his staff. He’d bring in breakfast once in a while. Things like homemade quiche, corn muffins, pumpking muffins. I don’t really remember except that it was superb and the atmosphere at work was wonderful. It helped create comraderie. We felt that he liked us. Maybe it was just good business. It worked.
My husband often bakes for his coworkers. They remind him when they have a hankering for more.
“Frankel says that success for women in business is not about acting more like a man, but acting less like a girl.” What if men act like men and women act like women? I resent the use of the term “girl” when it’s put beside the term “man.” Let’s compare adults with adults and children with children.
I also disagree this statement: “Emphasizing your femininity diminishes your credibility.” What this sentence is really stating is: “emphasizing your masculinity increases your credibility.”
Decorating your desk with pictures of every pet or child of your family is lame, but a weeding “kissing” picture with your hubby is jus disgusting.
I completely agree with the comment from Irene. My husband works in a job with only men and not only does my husband take in baked goods, but so do some of the other guys he works with. In fact, one guy in particular cooks entire meals on night shifts for them. It fosters friendships.
I also disagree that some of these ideas by Frakel are “enlightening”, for example, “Emphasizing your femininity diminishes your credibility.” I have worked for a company where women were/are on the board of directors and they didn’t have to decrease their femininity to be in those positions.
I understand that there must be a distinction of business-like attitudes where business is concerned, but why do women have to be more like men to be considered good managers? I think ideas like these encourage the thought of women are weaker and they should take on masculine characteristics to be considered equal with men–as if men are the ideal that women should be aspiring to.
Well, I think it all depends on the context. You have to be observant and learn what is apreciatted in your job and what is not. In some places it will be ok to bring food, in some others it will not. It does not mean that you should not have personality and only do what others are doing, but be observant and reasonable.
I’m pretty sure the point was to differentiate between acting like a girl and acting like a grown woman!
The details about whether to bring in cookies are just that – details. But the point is a good one – don’t act submissive! Don’t beg for approval; know that your worth is higher than that (or they probably wouldn’t have hired you).
It all depends on the industry you work in and your specific company’s culture. I am a female engineer in a “man’s world” and I’ve always had to play down my femininity, and luckily I don’t mind it.
You have to pick a career that suits your personality, because if you go changing your personality to suit your job, you are going to end up in a place where you don’t know who you are anymore.
The article started by saying that today’s companies are being managed “by brassy younger men and ballsy women.” You have to be assertive no matter what gender you are, and I agree 100%